A time to let go

Disclaimer: This write up is me venting so I decided not to share the link to this post on social media. Pardon any typo and grammatical errors

Monday 23, March 2015.

I got the news about the death of a friend. He passed on the day before.

My first reaction was denial, I laughed and called it a joke and I raised my voice at my friends that called to tell me the news. "I refuse to believe it, I don't accept it" those were the words I woul utter and I would end the call abruptly. Till I got home that night and I wept, I couldn't eat. He died in a car accident, the same accident that God that saved me from on the 29th of December.

After the denial phase, came anger.

I was angry.

I was angry at God, angry that he would take him away at his prime, that he would just die 'like that', without having a chance to fight for his life.

Then I was angry at myself, angry that I did not keep in touch often, angry that I wasn't a good friend, angry  that if I had kept in  touch I would have had a premonition about his death and would have averted it with prayers.

I was angry at everyone. People just went about their lives as if nothing happened. I went on twitter and instagram people were still tweeting and posting random stuff and I got angry at them. Never mind that they never knew him, they weren't supposed to be this happy because this world had lost a gem.

I was angry at the Nigerian Government for leaving the roads in deplorable conditions. I thought it was unfair that he would pass on serving his nation. I wanted them to stop NYSC if they were not ready to pay for the flight tickets for all youth corpers or have the roads in good conditions.

With the anger came tears, hot uncontrollable tears. I was at work and I kept weeping, I just couldn't help myself. I went through his facebook and instagram profiles and my heart broke. Again. Evans? Gone. Just like that! The news of his death was everywhere, facebook, instagram, bbm, Linda Ikeji, blogs and what have you, so no matter how much I tried to stop thinking about it, I couldn't. I would see his pictures pop up online and the tears would well up.

I don't even know why I have this post I just need a place to vent without hearing any condolence message. This is the first time I will lose someone close to me, nobody told me losing someone would sting like this. 

I have made my peace with his death. A friend told me to read Ecl:3 and as cliche as that may sound, the 'a time tos' was balm to my wounded heart. Evans has gone and it is time for me to let him go. I have made peace with his death.

I can still remember your days in HP, you were willing to learn, committed to any task you were given, creative and helpful. We had our issues, days we didn't see eye to eye on certain things, thinking about it now, those things never really mattered. I will look at your pictures, watch all the videos I have of you and listen to your voice, because that's how I choose to remember you, as a living, breathing being. I will tuck those memories somewhere in my heart and cherish them.

I can bring myself to say this now... Rest in peace Evans Eboka. I have made peace with your death.

Ilo Unuigbe