#MandyTope2016: On getting married young, abstinence and gender equality in marriage.~

Wedding bells are ringing! Yay! I love weddings so much but that is not why I decided to write this post. I did this for two reasons;

1. I read a tweet (and the conversation thread) last year and it made me really sad. The tweet basically bashed young Christians for getting married in their early twenties and explained that they decide to get married simply because they want to have legit sex. And a lot of young people agreed with this warped line of reasoning. In this line of reasoning, it is better to have premarital sex, (fornication - let us call it what it is) and have enough sexual experience than get married and be tied down to one person for the rest of your life. When did we become this way? At what point did we begin to think that we are wiser than God, his statutes are old fashioned and this generation is exempt from obeying them? I decided to write this post to celebrate two people that have decided to honour God and to encourage others on this journey - there are still prophets of God that haven't bowed to baal.

2. The second reason is to encourage any young person that believes he/she is too young to do a particular thing. I have come to realise that age is just a number and you can do all things through Christ that strengthens you. If God has called you to do anything that is uncommon for people in your age group, step out in faith and do it regardless of what people will say.

I had an interesting, no-holds-barred conversation with this couple and I hope you enjoy it! (it's a long read by the way).

#TopeMandy2016

Mandy met Tope 8 years ago at a meeting in church, they initially started out as friends and eight years down the line, the wedding bells are ringing. Mandy, a 24 year old mechanical engineer is tall, charismatic and intelligent, Tope a 22 year old Psychology graduate is of average height, soft-spoken and intelligent as well but the most intriguing thing about this pair is their love for each other and their level of maturity given their ages. Their kind of love is rare, untainted and genuine, the kind that reminds you of 1 Corinthians 13. Anyone that spends some time hanging out with them can literally “feel” the love radiating from them.

"you can feel the love radiating from them"

“The first time I saw Tope was at a programme in church”, Mandy explained, “we subsequently attended meetings together and worked on the same team for some projects. We became friends and it was really easy to talk to her, our relationship for the first four years was platonic and I was so comfortable with her that I even “misyarned” during some conversations at that time because I wasn’t trying to impress her”.

“I remembered the first time I saw Mandy," Tope said, "I admired him because of his physical features, charisma and dedication to projects that were committed to him”.

The romantic relationship naturally evolved from the friendship and after four years, Mandy asked Tope out (rater, he started the process) with a text message that simply read “I’m in love with someone”. 

Tope was actually surprised by this gesture, “I knew Mandy liked me long before he asked me out, but I never really expected him to ask me out” but she eventually said yes and the rest they say, is history.

On the decision to get married to each other and get married at this age.

Mandy: “ After getting to know her for a while, I became comfortable with her and I realised that I could trust her which was a big deal for me given my past experiences in dealing with people. Another remarkable thing was that God had already given me certain scriptures about the woman I was going to get married to, I never told her but at different times, something would happen and she would “act out” those scriptures. That was amazing for me! I never had a special dream or heard a special voice but I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she was right for me.

“On getting married young, I have always had an inkling that I would settle down “martially” at this age. I knew that from a very young age and as time went on, I prepared myself for it.”

Tope: “Unlike Mandy, I never envisaged that I would get married early although, from a young age, I always prayed about my husband and children, I just never knew it would happen now. God spoke to me at a programme at the beginning of last year, and the word I held on to was “early establishment in every area of my life”. Those words gave me the courage to take this bold step. People reference my age as a disqualification for marriage, but age is just a number and it doesn’t necessarily make people wise. Wisdom comes from God and the scriptures makes us understand that “there is a spirit in man and the inspiration of the Lord gives wisdom”. The inspiration and direction of the Holy Spirit is primarily what makes people wise (ditto Solomon). It was also difficult to convince my parents especially my Mom and Mandy and I had to pray about it.  She was initially adamant but all of a sudden, she told us we had her approval and blessing!”

Given their age, it is only normal for people to make negative and sarcastic remarks about their decision to get married early. However, they have been able to surmount the challenges and trust God for a beautiful future together “We are not bothered about what people say, as long as Christ is at the center of everything we do, we are assured of peace and happiness”

“We are not bothered about what people say, 

as long as Christ is at the center of everything we do, 

we are assured of peace and happiness”

The most interesting part of the conversation was when I asked about how easy or difficult it was for them to abstain from sex till they get married.

Mandy shouted “it was very difficult o! it wasn’t easy at all and it even became worse when she got an apartment for herself. I would travel to the state she lived in and because she lived alone, it was not easy for me at all. Honestly, I did some “touching” and that was wrong, that is one aspect we failed and it cannot be justified. There must be boundaries within a relationship. There were times things got out of hand and we had an “almost” experience.  One important lesson I learned form that experience was how to deal with condemnation."

According to Tope “It was difficult, I don’t know about the “very” part o. We had older people mentoring us and we set boundaries, also, the fact that we were not in the same state for a while helped us. Like he said, we had an “almost” experience and Christians in relationships need to be careful if they want to honour God with their bodies by abstaining from sex till marriage. After that experience I had to call one of my mentors (my pastor) and he helped me deal with my emotions”.  The importance of having people you are accountable to cannot be overemphasised especially at this time when people detest having any form of authority over their lives.

Companionship, love, fulfilling purpose together,
supporting each other to achieve dreams are reasons-that outweigh sex,
for getting married

Yes, being able to have legit sex is a reason for getting married early, however it is not a MAJOR reason. Companionship, love, fulfilling purpose together, supporting each other to achieve dreams are reasons - that outweigh sex - for getting married. Also, the plain simple fact that a young man and woman are ready to get married is enough reason! (Can’t people decide to get married just because they are both ready?! Do they even have to speak all this grammar for you world people? I'm just tired and please nobody should ask me how a man in his early twenties is ready to get married! Some  people don't really want to "play the field")

On gender equality and fluid roles in marriage. (because some people were just showing themselves and vibrating on twitter when Omotola recently revealed in an interview that her husband goes to the market for her. As if going to the market as a man attracts some kind of curse.)

Mandy is of the opinion that everybody should be treated fairly and equally however there are certain things women are better at naturally. Tope (speaking like a true sister that understands the feminist struggle) made me literally laugh out loud “some people think the kitchen is the office of the woman, the palour is the office of the man while the bedroom is the headquarters that they meet to resolve all issues. I don't believe all that one o! Men and women can take on roles and responsibilities regardless of what society thinks is acceptable.”

"Gender roles in marriage can be fluid!"

I almost forgot to add this...when you get married in your early 20's your wedding is going to be so lit (my snapchat is not excluded) because all your friends are still young and energetic! 

If you have questions or comments for this couple, hit the comments section or send an email to me and I would gladly hound them down (like I did for this interview) and make them answer your questions.

I have included the audio clips from our hangout session for people with an auditory preference.

Disclaimer: if you hear someone laughing like a cow, please just ignore, it is me and I don’t know how to laugh like a lady.

Happy married life! #TM2016

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." I Tim4:12


 Love and light.
xoxo.