A second Chance

This piece is dedicated to all members of HP dance crew (past and present). You all changed my life in ways I cannot begin to explain and I thought of HP the entire time I wrote this piece. I really miss and love you all.

Today I danced.

I turned on the radio and the lyrics of the very first song I heard pierced through my heart ‘pick it up, pick it all up and start again’...a loan tear ran down my cheek and I remembered how it was three years ago. The madness that we called rehearsals, the chaos that characterized our daily schedules,

the things we gave up because we had to a passion to pursue. I remembered you, you were my muse Dee, you were my dance coach and best friend, you were my best and worse critic. Best because you knew me so well, you could tell if I was doing my best just from the way my eyelids twitched when I danced and worse because your opinion was clouded when those same eyelids fluttered at you. But the terrible mistake I made cost me everything. Dee I failed you and I failed myself. I was your golden girl, you used to have such high expectations of me, heck I used to have such high expectations of myself too. My downward spiral started with one sniff, after that the only other path I knew was into the cold, dark lifeless abyss of addiction. And I stayed there for three good years.

The song continued ‘you can still be what you want to, what you said you are’ I stood and paced around my room in the rehab that has been my home for the past six months, I took out my black and red polka dotted dancing dress that I hid in my box as if hiding it could have made all the memories of who I once was disappear. I put on my gown, bound my ankles and went on my knees. The moment I tilted my head back, lifted my right arms and started a dance routine, I felt the usual rush of adrenalin that I hadn’t experienced in three years.

The sharp pain that shot up my legs from my left ankle made me falter as I pointed my toes and did a plie. The pain reminded me of the lost dreams, the wrong turns I took, the bad decisions I made. 

I am grateful for the accident that happened six months ago, for if I had not hit rock bottom I never would have found my way back home. The accident that fractured my ankle, landed me in the hospital and subsequently rehab was my blessing in disguise.

But Dee, I danced today in my rehab room and it was really good! I started off with one song and moved on to the next I felt alive and whole again, I felt the rush of adrenalin again, I felt every muscle and tendon in my body stretch and expand as I moved to the rhythm of the songs, I didn’t feel like I had stopped dancing for one day. I used a jete to end the routine and landed on my knees, I was exhausted, my ankle hurt terribly, sweat had soaked through my dress and ran down my face with careless abandon. I was shaking from exhaustion but that moment I knew that I could still do it, I had been given a second chance and I wasn’t going to waste it. I had already set myself back by three years with the choices I made and this time I would work harder to cover up.

I leave this place tomorrow and I will reapply to be your student again. I will do anything you ask of me, I will give my sweat and even my blood if you ask of it, because I have been given a second chance and this time...I WILL WIN.

Proverbs: 22 vs 16

for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again

xoxo